#29 The UP Side of Retirement
#29 The UP Side of Retirement
Advice to Other Retirees:
If it doesn’t fit, don’t wear it (seriously)
Straighten your pictures (the ones on your wall)
Mow the yard (or, have someone mow it for you)
Comb your hair (if you have any)
Love everybody (you mean old bastard)
Call your family (flip a coin)
Turn up your hearing aid (ambient sounds aren’t that bad)
Hug her (even if that is all you can do)
Get off your fat ass and go for a walk (cane acceptable)
go for a walk at the mall (or just sit and watch people)
laugh at the crazy people at the mall (laughing keeps you sane)
smile at people at the mall (even if they think you are an old pervert)
Do something that will totally surprise everyone (be good now)
You can do all of those things before noon
And still have the rest of the day to be too old
e.
#28 The UP Side of Retirement
#28 The UP Side of Retirement
EVERY YEAR STILL GETS BETTER AND BETTER!
Yes, maybe I should have listened
Because now I can’t hear
I wish I would have noticed
Back when I could see clear
I wish I would have gone there
and overcome my fear
I wish I hadn’t taken for granted
what I should have held dear
I wish I would have taken the chance
when it was so near
maybe I could regret my past
and maybe shed a tear
but, maybe if I’d done those things
I wouldn’t be here
And I wouldn’t give this up
this has been my favorite year
e.
#27 The UP Side of Retirement
#27 The UP Side of Retirement
Advice to All: Tell the TRUTH!
Nothing makes a person more human than when he tells the TRUTH, even if it is only his concept of, or perspective on, the truth.
But, what do I know, I write fiction.
And, furthermore, nothing make a person search harder for the truth than when he has been told a lie that he does not believe. That, also, applies to a person being told a truth that they may not believe; that will make most people seek the truth.
Yet, this world is filled with people who continue to believe the lies, blind to the truth, and, therefore, feeling no need to seek truth.
And, that’s the truth!
Now, here is my point: Whoever you are, you are reading this thinking, “I know the truth, and, I am glad that Eugene is bold enough to declare it for me.” But, the truth is, I haven’t even told you what ‘truth” I am talking about. Yet, you have your opinion that I am right or wrong, according to your understanding of truth.
Confused? You should be, because truth is only a concept, until it is clearly defined. And, I can only define my understanding of the truth.
And, here it is: Truth is like a box of chocolates… without the box!
e.
ps – I am sure that someone may read this and respond, “There is no truth, but God’s truth.” Well, no kidding! If truth is truth, how can it be anything other than God’s truth? But, that hardly defines neither God, nor, His truth.
So, I repeat this advice to all: Tell the TRUTH! Don’t make it up. Unless, of course, you are writing fiction. Then, all bets are off.
#26 The UP Side of Retirement
#26 The UP Side of Retirement
Let Me Explain!
Do you ever feel like you owe the world an explanation for your actions? And, by ‘the world’ I mean, people. Not from guilt or a sensed need to explain why you did or did not do a particular thing; just to set the record straight. You know, in case someone might get the wrong impression.
Me, for instance. Yes, I retired at 62. But, it wasn’t because I made so much stinking money that I was forced to retire to keep from getting my estate taxed so heavily after I’m dead. And, it wasn’t because I am a lazy bum, and, work was never my forte. Well, maybe, that’s true.
But, the truth of the matter is that I wasn’t making much money in my old job and could draw as much from social security as I was making at the dead end job. It’s not much, trust me.
And, if I had better sense, I would…, No, I do have better sense, so, I am going to stay retired.
Since I could retire (on this meager income), I figured that, now, I won’t have any more excuses for not pursuing my dream of becoming a bestselling author and/or songwriter. Still, I am not sure that I retired for a reason any different from most people: To pursue my dream!
And, although I have heard tell of those others (like me) who don’t let old age stop them, at this point, I feel a little alone because most of the retired people I meet don’t seem to be pursuing any dream other than a daydream.
But, I keep writing and singing and hoping and bugging people with my dream, as if I have dementia and am not aware that I keep singing the same old song over and over again.
But, I am retired, so I can do whatever I darn well please, and, owe no one an explanation.
I hope that explains it!
e.
#25 The UP Side of Retirement
#25 The UP Side of Retirement
What Are You Going To Do Today?
How I love being asked that question! It’s not like I don’t have anything to do. What is so cool about the question is that I can just make stuff up on the spot. Yes, I am limited to what I can ‘actually’ do, but, that’s only because I don’t have the money to go to Paris, or, take a trip to see my family. Other than those trivial pursuits, however, I can say that I am going to do just about anything else.
Today, for instance, I am going to practice my new song “Hey! Hey! Dana Renee!”
Oh! Wait! I have to water the flowers, first. Then, I am going to take a walk with King Theodorable. And, I really need to get to that loose hinge on the kitchen cabinet. And, I need to wash the car. Sometime today, I need to work on the rewrite of “Dark Days” (coming soon).
But, I’m retired, so, all of that can wait until tomorrow.
Oh! Wait! I have a golf outing scheduled for tomorrow. Can’t miss that. Guess I better get to that hinge before the day is over.
It’s funny, how retirement doesn’t eliminate responsibility. Okay, so they are not earth-shattering, you’ll-get-fired-if-you-don’t-do-them kinds of responsibilities, but, still….
The things I want to do still take a backseat to the things I have to do. I want to sleep for eight hours straight, but, I have to pee every four hours.
See what I mean?
So, what are you going to do today?
e.
#24 The UP Side of Retirement
#24 The UP Side of Retirement
I believe……
that sitting on the front porch
at 7am on Monday morning
qualifies me to speak
about the UP Side of retirement
But, I don’t have much to say
Because my dog still can’t talk
And I am not so old
That I talk to myself
There is that old crow
Perched on the top limb
Of an oak tree aways away
But he just wants to eat my dog
Even in retirement
You have to keep a watchful eye
e.
#23 The UP Side of Retirement
#23 The UP Side of Retirement
NOT SO MUCH ABOUT OLD AGE, AS IT IS ABOUT PROGRESS
I was sitting on the porch the other day, living the dream. A couple of elderly gentlemen (about my age) walked by, having a discussion that went like this:
“When those Yankees won the World Series back in 1955…”
The other man interrupted.
“The Yankees weren’t in the World Series in 1955. It was the Sox.”
“Are you sure?” the other man asked.
Both men stopped right in front of my front porch. I thought there was going to be a fight between the two old farts.
The other man had a very serious, prolonged thought about the situation, giving me time to respond.
“It was the Yankees,” I replied. “But, they didn’t win. The Dodgers beat them 4 games to 3.”
“That ain’t true,” the one man replied. “The Dodgers were in L.A. by then.”
“Wait a minute,” the other man responded. “I’ll bet you twenty bucks that the Yankees beat the Dodgers in 1955.”
“You’re on,” said the other man.
“Can I get in on this?” I asked.
“Sure, Mister, if you want to lose 20 bucks. But, it don’t really matter much,” the old geezer said, “because my record book is back at the house. Unless, of course, you’re willing to wait for me to get back.”
“I’ll wait,” said the other man.
“No need,” I said.
Little did they know that, during their little argument, I had pulled up on my cell phone the World Series winners dating back to 1903 when the Boston Americans (before they became the Red Sox) beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 5-3.
“Hey!” the second man responded, after hearing the answer to their argument. “I’ve heard of that new thing you got there. I hear tell that you can even find your way home on one of those things, if’n you get lost.”
“Yes, you can, sir,” I replied, with a smile. “I can even take a picture of a 20 dollar check and it goes right into my back account, immediately. So….”
He didn’t write me a check, just walked away with a huff.
But, the other gave me a high-five, and, that was payment enough.
Ain’t technology wonderful!
You see, I’m not one of those old fogies who thinks that technology is sending us to hell in a handbasket.
But, I am one of those who knows that the miracle of a handheld bank depository is just a flash in the pan.
I hope I live long enough to see what wonderful piece of technology I will be able to use when it’s time for me to go, because now, the previously hard-to-believe promise “to absent from the body is to be present with the Lord,” seems plausible.
The more advanced we become technologically, the more my mind is willing to accept ‘any’ possibility.
When I was 12, I could not possibly imagine that I could talk into a machine the size of my hand and command it to “Show me the 1964 World Series winner.”
Well, in 1964 I didn’t have to, because I was 12 and I knew who won the World Series that year.
Now, I am just waiting for that machine that will tell me next year’s winner.
e.
Oh, BTW, about that 1964 World Series: The 1964 World Series pitted the National League champion St. Louis Cardinals against the American League champion New York Yankees, with the Cardinals prevailing in seven games. St. Louis won their seventh world championship, while the Yankees, who had appeared in 14 of 16 World Series since 1949, did not play in the Series again until 1976.
And, if I recall, I attended one of those games because our Little League Team won our pennant that year. But, I don’t think you will find that information on the Internet.
#22 The UP Side of Retirement
#22 The UP Side of Retirement
ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!
That excuse doesn’t change, just because you get closer to the end of (your) time. There is still “All the time in the world” to do the things that matter. In other words, there is still time to procrastinate. After all, if I die before I get what needs to be done done, I can’t be penalized. The grass will grow, but, sooner or later, someone will mow it.
It seems that putting things off isn’t magically reversed when you get older. I’m retired, so, I should go golfing. But, I am putting it off, because I need to clean a rug – – – damn dog! I should be cruising the oceans blue, but, instead, I am cruising for plants to plant on the back patio. I should be taking a nap everyday at the same time, but, instead, I am conscious and aware of the many, many things that retirement requires of me.
I was never a master of procrastination, anyway. I was, however, a master of forgetfulness. Which, I suppose is going to come in handy for me, when I need an excuse for why I, suddenly, seem to be procrastinating more than usual. Truth is, I always want to take a nap, but, I forget.
One little bit of advice I would give (again, to those who haven’t asked my advice): You keep saying that you are going to take that vacation (one day), but, you procrastinate because you think focusing on the present priorities will eventually get you there. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.
It is a great feeling, knowing that you, finally, took care of that thing you had been delaying for so long. Like that trip to Paris, for instance. Or, going to see your sick Aunt, for another.
Take a break, stop procrastinating. All work and no play…, well, you know how the rest of that goes.
e.
#21 The UP Side of Retirement
#21 The UP Side of Retirement
TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU!
Our new neighbors (well, WE are the new neighbors, actually) walk by our house that sits on the corner. Our front porch is only 12 feet from the curb, which I think is fabulous! Most of the time, a neighbor will stop long enough for small talk; to say Hello and allow their dog to sniff my dog. Hmmm.
[Neither of the dogs bark, because it’s not allowed and, somehow, the dogs know to keep quiet. They just ‘sniff’ each other, which, if you didn’t know, is their form of small talk.]
Small Talk! Funny, when I was a salesman, I used to think small talk was useless, always upset with my boss who said I should start off with small talk when interviewing a potential client. He said, “Small talk will make you rich.” I thought it to be quite deceptive.
Now, I find small talk quite enjoyable.
And, so far, I haven’t had any of my neighbors follow up their ‘small talk’ with, “Oh, by the way, if you ever need insurance….”
Then again, most of the folks go slowly with everything they do, so, maybe they just haven’t gotten around to it, yet.
But, I kind of doubt it.
In a way, I am glad that, in my younger years, I was trained to start off my sales pitch with small talk, because, in the end, it is the small talk experience that helps me enjoy life as it is now.
So, my bosses were right, after all – small talk produces results. They just had it slightly askew. Because, I have become richer, by far, because of the small talk between a nearby neighbor and myself, than I ever became from any follow-up question with a potential client.
Still, I am not so sure about the intentions of that cute little poodle that keeps sniffing at my dog’s butt.
e.
eugbooks (sounds like HUGE Books, right?) 